Big Brother NEWS: Who's been bitching too much?

Old fatty and big knockers are losing their sparkle

Still there, bitching away: COOKIES (3.05), Albino (3.85), Kenneth Williams (11), Bad Comic (16.5), Posh Chef (18.5), Smiley Smiley Miss Boring (27), Stallone (32), 1970s Bill Withers (40), Dullard (44), New Australian (50), Muscles (55), Model (65), Female Bouncer (70), Luvvie (70)

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If the Big Brother house represents a realistic cross section of society then be warned, absolutely everyone you know is judging your every move behind your back. Even members of your own family. Which is a shame really, because they could all be concentrating on making a good television show instead.

The house is splitting into two massive factions - those who bitch, and those who don't. The main offenders, heading up the backstabbers, are Luke and Bex. Luke has exactly the right blend of humour and weirdness to threaten for the big prize, but his constant nattering about other people's bad points is holding him back. Thankfully, for now, there is enough wit in his malice to keep him in the running, but he needs to be careful. Should Bex get the chop on Friday - which she should - he might think it wise to calm down a bit. He could still run away with it.

Another pair who seem incapable of keeping their thoughts to themselves are Mario and Lisa, now confined to the outdoor chairs, softly deriding their colleagues with middle-aged disdain. Lisa, in particular, is growing ever more strange and difficult to like - plus all that mumbo-jumbo about out-of-body experiences will have left a bad mark with the more realistic, sane voters. The pair have consistently been joined in the garden by Mikey - another inmate with a decreasing likability factor. On his way into the house he looked a fantastic bet - not only blind, but a standup comic to boot. Brilliant! Unfortunately, he has proven to be the planet's least funny and most shouty comedian, and his “jokes” so far have been either totally vile or completely misjudged. He won't win, which will come as an almighty shock to Mario, who has seemingly adopted him in a bid to become popular.

Those talking, but not snarling, behind people's backs include Belinda, who roars herself to sleep at night, and is already telling anyone who'll listen what she thinks about people - and Darnell, now looking a likely victor. To their credit, their bitching seems to take on a positive flavour much of the time. Voters might even like that.

The rest of the housemates seem slightly less comfortable speaking their minds, especially in the wake of Jennifer and Sylvia getting the boot. A number of them, however, still have no chance of winning, even if they do keep their noses clean. Rachel is far too drippy to incite any kind of passion with the viewers. Dale has been rendered wet-lipped and mute since Jennifer left his side - if his face were a noise, it'd be a whimper. Mo, to paraphrase Darnell, is just a bit of an idiot, albeit a harmless one. And Stuart has now taken to explaining to all and sundry that he's feeling totally paranoid. Well, great news Stuart, you needn't be paranoid about winning. Never going to happen.

Which leaves Rex, Kathreya, Sara and Maysoon. It's too early to say anything about the two new girls, beyond the fact that Sara is Australian, making her an unlikely winner (foreigners, bar Nadia – series five - don’t tend to fare well), and Maysoon seems far too quiet and reserved to swoop to victory. Rex survived the vote, but is still unpopular with his peers, while Kathreya’s genuinely sweet nature started to rile her so-called pals. She will still do well, mainly by virtue of being the least bitchy person in the whole world.