Big Brother BETTING: The Lucky Thirteen

Jennifer looks set to be the next out

That's right, they're all still there, draping themselves around the house, pretending to have hidden depths. Below are the final thirteen in reverse order, most unpopular first...

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Jennifer
Oh dear, it's all gone a little bit bosoms up for Jennifer, who started the show as a plucky outspoken single mum, but has morphed into a strange loner observing the housemates from the depths of her bathroom hideout. Any longer and she'd only be seen in night vision scuttling about the kitchen gathering snacks in the early hours. Should she face eviction this week - which she will - she will almost certainly go.

Rebecca
Bex has done everything wrong this week, from the ill-judged opinion-attack on sweet little Kat, to heaving out her breasts and telling the housemates that Big Brother made her do it. Big Brother will not take kindly to those kind of allegations. She'll need a miracle to bounce back.

Lisa
Sadly for Lisa, a warped sense of personal amazingness can work on a lumbering cretin like Mario, but listening to her regale the bored housemates with tales of people telling her how brilliant she is makes you prey for Alexandra to re-emerge into the house with an Uzi, spraying wildly. She'll be the first of the doggers to go.

Dale and Stuart
Now almost indistinguishable, Dale and Stuart simply wander about the house casually bouncing their pectoral muscles, only stopping to earnestly explain to Jennifer that sometimes they cry, and yes, they understand what it is to hurt inside. Unfortunately, neither will win, because they're both unfathomable idiots.

Mohamed
There's something impossible to hate about Mohamed - it might be that he has the look of a hapless young man who has spent his life inadvertently veering into the eye of the storm. He did nothing to warrant the contents of Dennis' vile mouth, and he seems the least callous of the inmates. Will no doubt be nominated for weeks to come, but his lack of venom should see him safe.

Mario
Thanks to the surprisingly aggressive nature of the younger housemates, Mario has transformed from the "funny guy at work" (i.e. not remotely funny), into a kind of in-house Gandalf. He showed a cool head during the dramas by taking on the role of a health and safety obsessed Wetherspoon's pub bouncer. He could yet surprise everyone. Apart from his great pals, Ant and Dec, of course. They already knew he was brilliant.

Rex
Everyone is ganging up on Rex and it is unfair. But then you notice the vest, the half-grin, the muttered demands, the drainpipes, the voice so posh it's just a long slurring noise, and it's hard to feel overly sorry for the bloke. On very thin ice. Or "veh thih eye", as Kat would say.

Luke
Oh Jesus, Luke! He could have had the whole thing sewn up by now. He ticked all the boxes - geeky, funny, outspoken, sexually confused. It was in the bag. But then out popped a queeny bitching side, and his descent down the greasy pole began. So to speak. He needs to get back to being Mr Funny.

Mikey
MIKEY HAS MADE SHOUTING IN THE DIARY ROOM HIS THING. INSIDE THE HOUSE HE CAN BE FOUND DANCING WITH MARIO OR BITCHING WITH MARIO OR TALKING TO AN EMPTY SPACE WHERE HE THOUGHT MARIO WAS, ALL AT A VOLUME THAT EVEN BLIND PEOPLE SHOULD APPRECIATE AS FAR TOO LOUD. AFTER ALL HAVEN'T THEY GOT SUPERSENSITIVE HEARING? In short, needs to shut up.

Rachel
Last time, we said this about Rachel: Rachel came second to Imogen Thomas (series seven) in Miss Wales 2003, and so far she has showcased a strange wrinkly forehead, apologised for absolutely everything anyone else has done wrong, and wept. Too dull to win. Nothing has changed.

Darnell
Amongst the yammering paranoids, Darnell seems to be the most fair and clear headed (no pun) in there. Fighting for the underdog - Mo - will have won him a big portion of the audience, and he comes across as a nice guy. His smooth RnB voice might even turn women on a bit.

Kathreya
Her worth is increasing hugely, thanks to being picked on by Bex (sympathy points) and calmly informing Rex that he can sometimes come across as an arrogant so-and-so, but in a way that didn't seem intended to be cruel or hurtful. Who'd have thought that a grown woman in a romper suit belowing "cookie" every three/four minutes could be the most normal in there? The one to beat.