American Idol BETTING: The Final Five

Mr Rock is threatening Mr Dreamy Pop...

The final five: Archuleta (2.1), Cook (2.1), Castro (27), Mercado (40), White (55)

Don't worry kids, the strange man with the tattoos on his face won't be flashing onto your screens during American Idol any more, his loud Irish wife has been bundled off the show. And, before you say it, no the terrifying frog faced gentleman won't be returning either, he's going back to his day job of being Andrew Lloyd Webber. Five people will be returning however, and they read like this:

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David Archuleta
When not singing, it's near impossible to tell whether David is really awake or not - the eyes droop, the smile goes into a fixed close-mouthed grin like he's having a nice little dream, and he appears to have given up speaking. But when he sings, it's like his voice was woven from Angel syrup... whatever that means. The judges have cooed over him from day one and voting girls will think he's dreamy. Still the favourite.

David Cook
Every year there appears to be one"daring" contestant who doesn't play by the damn rules, thank you very much. And this year, David is that rebel. He'll take your little pop song, Mr Cowell, and he'll SHOUT IT into a rock song. That's right, a scary rock song that angry kids will enjoy being angry to. And then he will probably finish second to the sleepy pop singer who did stick to the rules, sooo...

Jason Castro
When Jason giggles like a total thicko and mutters something about not really knowing where he is or what he's doing, everyone seems to think he's just being charming and funny, but it could be a genuine cry for help - he just wants to go home to his wigwam. Even his hideous rendition of Memories wasn't enough to make people hate him. This week he would be wise to sing some traditional Taliban songs if he really wants to stop being on telly. On the plus side for the ridiculous trustafarian, he won't ever win.

Syesha Mercado
Of all the contestants, Syesha seems like the only one who is actually improving as the show progresses, and Lloyd Webber week was a corker - yet she still found herself in the bottom two. There is no way she will win, but don't bet against her hanging around for longer than expected. And she's expected to go this week.

Brooke White
Brooke has delicious blonde hair and a nice smoky voice. Unfortunately she is wound so tight that just catching a glimpse of her from the corner of your eye could bring you out in a fit of anxiety. Last week she stopped the band and demanded they start again, a move which made Paula Abdul feel disgusted. She needs some of Castro's pot. Won't win.