American Idol BETTING: The last seven

It WILL end one day, that's a promise

Still There: Archuletta (1.74), Rock Man (3.7), Hippy (19), Jesus (26), Tattoo (23), U.S.A! (40), Won't Win (36)

Finally, the boring Australian who could out-dull Moira Stewart has left the building. Paula fancied him a bit, but to the rest of the universe he was a librarian pretending to be Michael Hutchence at an awkward fancy dress party. The little husky chap still looks like the child to beat, having this week made Angels by Robbie Williams somehow not remind people of how hateful Williams is. Good work, little boy.

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David Archuleta
Was David trained at an early age to say earnest things in a breathy voice whenever he opens his mouth? It's more than likely. What else is more than likely is that the young singer will run away with this series of American Idol. It's a weak line up, and he's the best.

David Cook
Cook has a gigantic forehead where he stores clever words like "metaphor" and "parambulation". He also screams ballads to make them rockier, and the judges love it. Like last year's Blake Lewis, he will do well, but is probably a bit too prone to tinkering to win.

Jason Castro
This week he sang Simon Cowell's favourite song - Over The Rainbow. Nice move, hippy. Now stop pretending to be tripping on mushies. Won't win.

Brooke White
Of all the singers, Brooke has the folkiest voice and the blondest hair. The top three has always featured a woman, and as things stand, that woman looks like being this happy clappy Christian.

Carly Smithson
Carly has taken to roaring her songs with such venom that she almost ruined the kindly nature of last week's show (all proceeds feeding people in Africa, or something). Plus her husband has his entire face tattooed, which is just weird on a primetime show. Even the guy in Prison Break drew a line at the face.

Kristy Lee Cook
It's impossible that Kristy has a brain. Instead, she has had her mind vacuumed, and repackaged with pro-Bush campaign slogans, and is on strict orders to weep whenever she sees an American flag. Please kill her.

Syesha Mercado
A black girl has always featured in the top five, so history dictates that Syesha should have at least another few weeks to play with. On the downside, America appears to hate her, and she now lives in the bottom three. No chance of winning.