Big Brother Celebrity Hijack BETTING: The Eviction

Here's a mindblowing fact: in the entire history of Big Brother, only five times have two girls gone head-to-head in a normal eviction. This Friday will see the sixth - under the bold assumption that this series is a normal one, not a celebrity one (apologies to those who have all of Nathan's records and novelty posters).

So timid little Emilia - bendy and weird of voice - finds herself up against Latoya - a mute, who once made her presence felt by driving Victor into a fit of door punching and tears. Her part in the complete dismantling of Emilia's loathsome oik of a brother appears to have catapulted her into the eviction battle. She would otherwise have avoided nomination, based on the assumption that no one really knows that she's there.

Of course, everyone knows that Emilia is there. If she isn't bending herself into the shape of a scorpion, or jutting her genitals in the direction of Jeremy's luxury eyebrows, she can be found seductively pouring water all over herself in the hot tub. Should viewers continue to fall by the wayside, E4 will no doubt resort to running twelve hour footage of Emilia eating bananas and ice lollies on loop. In slow motion.

Unfair sexual advantages aside, based on the five girl/girl eviction battles from the past, Emilia should be fine. Alongside Amy she has been the most prolific in the highlights shows, while Latoya has showcased no emotion, and for a professional dancer she appears to only have one move (when she pretends to be melting or something). If Nathan was as popular as he thinks he is, she would be in it for the long haul, but their 'love story' is nothing on Anthony/Calista, or Emilia/Jeremy.

Working against Emilia is that she has developed nasty habit of sneering bitchy remarks about people, which some factions of the voting demographic will find repugnant. But she is no more unkind than Chanelle (Big Brother 8) or Nikki (Big Brother 7) - both of whom survived high profile eviction head-to-heads.

Latoya's crime of being a little bit quiet will infuriate the voters, who will take bitchy over boring any day.